Loving Yourself the Way God Loves You!

Imagine you’re a young teenage girl trying to fit in at school. You’re nose is just a little too big for your liking. See yourself as wife and how kids and career have slowed you down and you put on a few pounds. Envision yourself as a preteen boy who just isn’t as muscular as the other boys in your class. Picture yourself as a husband who no longer has to “chase after” a beautiful girl to marry so you let yourself go a little bit. You don’t have the same muscular definition and you have a little bit of a gut.

You look in the mirror and you see all these things. Now, close your eyes for a second. Take a deep breath and open. You’re looking back in the mirror, but this time you see yourself through the eyes of God, your Creator. God doesn’t see the big nose; He sees a beautiful masterpiece. He doesn’t see the few extra pounds; He sees a noble and God-fearing creation. God doesn’t see the weak and frail; He sees the work in which is well-built and strong. He doesn’t see the “gut” you’ve gained or the muscle you lost, but God sees your innermost being that is righteous and just. God looks at you and He sees Himself for “God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27). So you see, when you look in the mirror and think you don’t like what you see, you’re basically saying that God screwed up when He created you. God doesn’t make mistakes. He didn’t make you ugly. He made you exactly the way you are supposed to be!

In today’s society, it’s hard for anyone, man or woman, to feel beautiful about who they are and who God created them to be. There are so many pressures from the social media to be somebody we are not; to be somebody who God never intended us to be. We are inundated with commercials, billboards, magazines, movies, and more that tell us or show us how to be beautiful; that if we use their product or wear their clothes, we would be more attractive. It is very hard to feel beautiful when everything you see is telling you that you just keep falling short and you just can’t measure up. Through this, we slowly begin to lose that love we used to have for ourselves.

You see, for so many of us, it’s really easy to love others but in return, we couldn’t love ourselves in the same fashion. I went through a period not too long ago, and go through it every once in a while, when I didn’t even feel comfortable in my own skin. I wasn’t happy with myself, but instead I criticized everything that seemed to be wrong with the way I looked. I couldn’t even look people in the eye because I didn’t want them to see how ugly I felt on the inside. I didn’t feel pretty. I would spend a lot of time telling other young girls and women to be comfortable in their own bodies and that they are pretty or need to stop being so negative about their self image, but I was dying to crawl out of my skin because I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror anymore. There were many times, and there are still, where I would get ready, do my hair, brush my teeth, wash my face, etc… without even looking in the mirror because I didn’t like what I saw. There were times where I looked deep and hard at the person staring back at me and during those times I didn’t know who that person was really. I was, and still am at times, a big hypocrite.

You might be struggling with this same thing. You may be in the same boat right now, but don’t jump! There will be times where you see yourself as beautiful. Like I mentioned before, I don’t feel like this all the time, either. I go through stages and seasons in my life where this tends to be brought to the surface. You may know when your vision changed for you, but I really don’t know when it all started to change for me. I never used to be like this. I was always comfortable with who I was, always had a very high self-esteem and it didn’t matter if people thought I was pretty/beautiful/or whatever. But regardless, I stopped looking at and loving myself the way Jesus saw me. I started viewing who I was by the standards and images of this world instead of putting on my “Jesus glasses” and viewing myself the way that He sees me.

This battle had been waging inside of me for a very long time. No one ever knew what was going on because I wouldn’t let them in on it. I didn’t want them to be bogged down by the things that bothered me. I hate feeling “needy” and I didn’t want to put a pressure on the people in my life for them to feel like they had to constantly try to make me feel beautiful or pretty. I didn’t want them to have to feel like they needed to say something out of obligation or just the opposite, walk on eggshells around me, because it didn’t matter what they said, the way I felt was always going to be the way I felt, no matter how many times a day I was told I was beautiful!

I didn’t want people to know that while I may be happy and bubbly on the outside, I really loathed myself on the inside. There was this internal struggle and I just felt so alone in the battle. It took me a long time to see that trying to fight this on my own wasn’t going to be successful. I needed help and that’s when I opened up to my best friend about my struggle and while I knew it wasn’t something she could really help me with, it was just nice knowing that somebody knew what was going on. I urge you, whether it is this struggle or any other kind of struggle in your life, to let somebody know. They can pray with you and for you. There is just a comfort in knowing that somebody understands you and the situation that’s going on in your life. God gave us people and friends for a reason; not to go through life alone and just coexist, but to lean on one another during difficult times.

With this battle of loving myself the way God loves me, it’s sometimes hard for me to imagine someone loving me for who I am because I just can’t love myself. I believe this is why it is so hard for me to imagine God’s unrelenting, unending, and undying love for me. I presume this would be the same for others who have gone through similar situations. However, God has been revealing something to MY heart that speaks about His love. You see, there were many times I would see little heart shaped things everywhere and I mean everywhere! I would see heart outlines in little rocks on the ground, holes in the cement, clouds in the sky; you name it, I saw a heart formation in it. I used to rationalize it by saying it was a sign that I would find someone to love; that there was love waiting for me. However, just in this last year, He showed me that those little heart shaped signs I saw everywhere was not a sign of some earthly love, but a sign of HIS LOVE for ME!! So now every time I see those heart formations, I am reminded of a God, a Creator who loves me! What a marvelous revelation!

If you know me, you know that I love hard. I love deeply. I love to a point that regardless of what that person does, I will still love them. I love them for their failures. I love them for their talents. I love just knowing I love them. But it’s not the same when I look at myself. My love for me is/was/can be superficial. My love for me did not and could not extend beyond the mirror. For so long, I was blinded by what I wanted as opposed to what I needed and what I needed was to realize that God loves me and if God loves me with all my baggage, all my faults, and all my failures, that would be all I ever needed. If God could love me like that, then why can’t I love myself in the same way? If my Creator loves me with all of my “stuff,” who am I to not love what the Creator made? It would be equivalent to me not loving the stars or the moon or the flowers or the ocean. That’s an insult to my God, my Father.

Realize that God loves you. He loves you for who you are, whether you’re fat or thin, small or tall, smart or not, rich or poor. And do you know why? It’s because He created you. He formed you and He breathed life into your lifeless body. Know that God created you to be just who you are meant to be. He created you to be BEAUTIFUL. Don’t be conformed to the image of this world, but be transformed by His love and the way He sees you! He created you with a majestic, awe-inspiring, and powerful beauty. This Creator always loves His Creations!

Love is such a deep and emotional attachment. Have you ever loved so much that you begin to hyperventilate and you can’t breathe? Have you experienced a love that is just so overwhelming and so deep that you can’t even begin to fathom its existence? This is how I feel when I truly enter into God’s presence. It is pertinent that you get into God’s presence so you can be constantly reminded of His promises about your beauty and worth. When you walk with God, you walk with a confidence knowing that you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139). I know when I get deeply into the presence of God because there is a brokenness that is revealed. He shows me that brokenness and then He whispers “I Love You. You are Beautiful.” During those times, I sometimes have to even put my hand over my heart just to make sure that it’s still beating.

Beautiful friend just always know: There’s no perfect kiss unless you have been kissed by Christ. There’s no perfect love until you’ve been loved by Christ. There’s no real joy unless you know the joy of the Lord. You can’t appreciate your beauty until you not only understand but, believe that God made you beautiful! Give this battle, this struggle to God. He will fight for you. He is the victor and will reign over the war that is raging in your heart and in your mind. And always remember: You are BEAUTIFUL. You are PRECIOUS. You are LOVED! You are a Child of the Light!

As for me, I believe one of these days I will be able to look at myself and find that I am beautiful; that I am worth more than what society tells me I need to be. One of these days I will believe others when they tell me I look good, or that I am beautiful. One of these days I will rise above this and rest in the promises of my Creator. One of these days, you will too! Until then, know that you, my friend, are beautiful and you’re not alone in this struggle.

Until then….

(For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:13-16)

How He Loves Us – Kim Walker
Unfailing Love – Chris Tomlin
Coming Back to Life – Echoing Angels
Beautiful, Beautiful – Francesca Battestelli
Beautiful Things – Gungor
What Love Really Means – JJ Heller More Beautiful You – Jonny Diaz
All the Broken Pieces – Matthew West
Beautiful – MercyMe
Someone Worth Dying For – Mikeschair
Here in Your Presence – New Life Church
Hold Me Together – Royal Tailor Beloved – Tenth Avenue North
Beautifully Broken – This Beautiful Republic
You Won’t Relent – Vineyard Westside Worship

Made to Worship

 

Have you ever thought about the way our bodies were formed and shaped? Why our hands have five fingers and our feet have five toes? Have you ever wondered why our arms extend from our bodies and our legs extend from our torso? Why we have two eyes facing forward and two ears on the side of our head? How about the reason why we have to turn our neck in order to position our eyes to see things not in front of face?

I could tell you that we were given opposable thumbs in order to better grip and handle objects; that we are bipedal in order for efficient movement; or that our toes are for balance and our fingers are for more dexterity. Yes there is scientific explanation for all of that, but out of it all, that’s not why we were created the way we are. We were created by a Father, our Creator, who loves us enough to mold and shape us to be in His image. We were created to praise and have a relationship with our Creator. I am going to focus on prayer and the three important body parts in prayer: our heads, our hands, our legs.

Have you ever paid attention to the way you pray? Let’s start with our heads. I could sit here and tell you that the top two cervical vertebrae are called the atlas and the axis. The atlas, the first vertebrae, helps you to nod up and down. The axis lies beneath that and allows you to turn your head left and right. Think about it!

God created these they way they are for a significant reason. We usually look up in praise or bow our heads in prayer. I have never seen anyone look to the left or right when praying. God calls us to always keep our eyes focused on Him in our daily walk and relationship with Him, which is why He has the atlas first and the axis second. However, many times we tend to stray away from the path to God, and for this we blame the second best vertebrae, the axis. This is why it is second best to the atlas.

The atlas, also made to carry the weight of your head, was created by God to be the first and most important vertebrae so that we can either look to Him when we praise Him on the Throne or when we bow our heads t o pray. The atlas bears all the weight of the head because God bears all of our problems and burdens. God is the Head (our head) and Jesus follows. Let Jesus (the atlas) be the lifter of your head!

Moving on, typically, our hands are put together so that every finger is against its counterpart and are held at our face. All pictures and graphics show this, but have you ever really taken the time to notice how your hands lay on your face? The hands, when in “prayer position” fit ever so perfect around the nose and the mouth with the pointer finger resting against the cheek bones and nose while the thumbs just seem to rest right under the chin. (Most of you have probably already done this by now just to see).

The hand also has the most bones (27) comprising bone structure. Looking at numbers in the Bible, the number 2 represents a covenant or truth of God’s Word while the number 7 means perfection and completeness. There were 2 major covenants in the Bible: The Old and New Testament. When we pray, we should be praying God’s word and our hands remind us that we have an old covenant (left hand) and a new covenant (right hand).

But let’s also look at them together. When both hands are put together in prayer and used for worship, we are using 44 bones and 10 digits (fingers). The number 10 is also symbolic of divine order and completeness (10 Commandments, 10 “I am’s” of Jesus).The number 4 in the Bible denotes things of the earth (more importantly things God has created; the fourth day of creation was finished (minus the inhabitants)). How can you not see that God created you and me to worship Him?

Lastly, I could sit and tell you that the femur is the strongest and longest bone in the body because it carries all of our weight. I could also tell you that the Sartorius muscle, one that reaches from outside of the hip and goes to the inside knee is the longest muscle in the body and lays overtop of the femur, allows us to bend our knees. When you typically see someone praying, they are on their knees. God created it that way so that the strongest bone in the body would succumb to the longest muscle so we could humbly, and with humility, seek Him when we pray.

Please go and read 1 Corinthians 12:12-26. It talks about having one body but different parts. All parts were created to have a different function, but to be unified in praising the Lord.

“But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be…Now YOU (my emphasis) are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it” ~1 Corinthians 12:18;27)

Have you ever thought about the way our bodies were formed and shaped? Why our hands have five fingers and our feet have five toes? Have you ever wondered why our arms extend from our bodies and our legs extend from our torso? Why we have two eyes facing forward and two ears on the side of our head? How about the reason why we have to turn our neck in order to position our eyes to see things not in front of face?

I could tell you that we were given opposable thumbs in order to better grip and handle objects; that we are bipedal in order for efficient movement; or that our toes are for balance and our fingers are for more dexterity. Yes there is scientific explanation for all of that, but out of it all, that’s not why we were created the way we are. We were created by a Father, our Creator, who loves us enough to mold and shape us to be in His image. We were created to praise and have a relationship with our Creator. I am going to focus on prayer and the three important body parts in prayer: our heads, our hands, our legs.

Have you ever paid attention to the way you pray? Let’s start with our heads. I could sit here and tell you that the top two cervical vertebrae are called the atlas and the axis. The atlas, the first vertebrae, helps you to nod up and down. The axis lies beneath that and allows you to turn your head left and right. Think about it!

God created these they way they are for a significant reason. We usually look up in praise or bow our heads in prayer. I have never seen anyone look to the left or right when praying. God calls us to always keep our eyes focused on Him in our daily walk and relationship with Him, which is why He has the atlas first and the axis second. However, many times we tend to stray away from the path to God, and for this we blame the second best vertebrae, the axis. This is why it is second best to the atlas.

The atlas, also made to carry the weight of your head, was created by God to be the first and most important vertebrae so that we can either look to Him when we praise Him on the Throne or when we bow our heads t o pray. The atlas bears all the weight of the head because God bears all of our problems and burdens. God is the Head (our head) and Jesus follows. Let Jesus (the atlas) be the lifter of your head!

Moving on, typically, our hands are put together so that every finger is against its counterpart and are held at our face. All pictures and graphics show this, but have you ever really taken the time to notice how your hands lay on your face? The hands, when in “prayer position” fit ever so perfect around the nose and the mouth with the pointer finger resting against the cheek bones and nose while the thumbs just seem to rest right under the chin. (Most of you have probably already done this by now just to see).

The hand also has the most bones (27) comprising bone structure. Looking at numbers in the Bible, the number 2 represents a covenant or truth of God’s Word while the number 7 means perfection and completeness. There were 2 major covenants in the Bible: The Old and New Testament. When we pray, we should be praying God’s word and our hands remind us that we have an old covenant (left hand) and a new covenant (right hand).

But let’s also look at them together. When both hands are put together in prayer and used for worship, we are using 44 bones and 10 digits (fingers). The number 10 is also symbolic of divine order and completeness (10 Commandments, 10 “I am’s” of Jesus).The number 4 in the Bible denotes things of the earth (more importantly things God has created; the fourth day of creation was finished (minus the inhabitants)). How can you not see that God created you and me to worship Him?

Lastly, I could sit and tell you that the femur is the strongest and longest bone in the body because it carries all of our weight. I could also tell you that the Sartorius muscle, one that reaches from outside of the hip and goes to the inside knee is the longest muscle in the body and lays overtop of the femur, allows us to bend our knees. When you typically see someone praying, they are on their knees. God created it that way so that the strongest bone in the body would succumb to the longest muscle so we could humbly, and with humility, seek Him when we pray.

Please go and read 1 Corinthians 12:12-26. It talks about having one body but different parts. All parts were created to have a different function, but to be unified in praising the Lord.

“But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be…Now YOU (my emphasis) are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it” ~1 Corinthians 12:18;27)

God is the Artist and we are His painting

God is the Potter and we are His clay

God is the Architect and we are HIs house

God is the Writer and we are His song

God is the Director and we are His movie

God is the Teacher and we are the lesson

God is the Student and we are His project

God is the Mechanic and we are His car

God is the Gardner and we are His fruit

God is the Sheppard and we are His sheep

God is the Father and we are His children!

Until next time!

~ Not for my glory but for His. Not for the kingdom of this world, but for God’s Kingdom in Heaven. God be with you now and forever! ~

Being a Child of the Light Means Stepping Out of Darkness

 

When I say darkness, what do you think of? What images are stirred in your mind? Can you feel the darkness? Can you taste it? Smell it? I want you to close your eyes and picture darkness.

Now, picture YOUR darkness? Was it that depression you experienced some time ago? Was it the loss of a loved one? Was it drowning in addiction? Take a moment and let it bring forth emotion and senses. Let it resonate within your being. When you’re ready, open your eyes and continue reading.

We enter into being a human being in darkness. We were created and formed in our mother’s womb. I don’t know about you, but I could probably make an educated guess in that the mother’s womb is pretty dark. I don’t know much about the birthing process from a baby’s perspective, but have you ever watched “Look Who’s Talking” with John Travolta and Kristie Alley (mind you it plays “I get around” by the Beach Boys)? The first movie begins with that birthing process and the directors did a fantastic job (in my view anyway) of what it would be like from the baby’s perspective.

Quick synopsis: Baby sees light at the end of the tunnel, starts to go towards it, realizes it is now leaving it’s comfort zone, has now entered a world of Light (and cold wind drafts) wants to be put back inside the mother’s womb, gets wrapped in a blanket, held by mother, and now says that it’s not so bad (I hope my memory served me right on this description. It’s been a while since I watched this movie seeing as how it was publicized in 1989.)

Well God works the same way. God shows us a glimmering light at the end of the tunnel. Whether you are seeing it for the first time or rediscovering the Light, you are still drawn towards it. Once you see that the light takes you to where you’ve never been before, you start to panic. You don’t want to be there. You don’t even know what you’re doing. You want to retreat and go back into the zone of comfort.

But that is when God wraps His loving arms around you like a blanket and holds you until you stop crying. He’ll hold you and you suddenly realize that He is comfort. There is no need to panic. There is no need to fear. Now you say, “Wow, this isn’t so bad.”

Stepping out the darkness is a giant leap of faith. Stepping out of the darkness can be uncomfortable and cause a lot of pain. We have grown custom to how we were living in that state of darkness, so moving into the light can be quite the change, but that’s what God calls us to do. He doesn’t want us to be hiding anymore. He doesn’t want our residence to be darkness. God never promised life would be easy, but He did promise that He will never leave you alone. He promises to be everything you’ll ever need. He promised that with Him you will have light. “I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness” (John 12:46).

Stepping out of the darkness and stepping into the light is like going from one dimension to the other. Living on this earth and living in the afterlife, whether it’s Heaven or hell, is stepping from dimension to the other. Our relationship with Christ has new dimensions. As God opens your eyes up to Him and He reveals more to you, you step into a new dimension of the relationship. Here is a personal story about my dimensions:

I began to notice all of the relationships I had before started changing. You see, the friends I had before I started my walk with Christ are part of one dimension. After I started my relationship with Jesus, I have entered into a new dimension. Since, I have entered this new dimension in my life and those friends are part of an old dimension, it’s hard upgrading past friends into this new life of mine. I associate it to the time I upgraded my phone. I’ll give a brief summary so as not to bore anyone.

I have an old IPhone. One day, my ITunes told me I needed to upgrade my operating system (O.S.) on the phone. I thought I had backed up all the files and information and clicked that “Yes” button to update the phone. After the update, the backup couldn’t be reloaded onto the phone because the upgrade was pretty large. I waited too long to upgrade the O.S. from the last time I did, so when I did it this time, there were about four different upgrades. I took a big jump instead of taking little baby ones. Therefore, I had to start fresh with my phone wiped clean and clearly upset that I had no contacts, no text messages, or any notes.

Now that I took that large step in my life, my stepping out of the darkness of sin and allowing Jesus to be my Light, I have met some pretty spectacular friends in this new dimension. However, I took one huge leap and didn’t move in little baby steps. Now, I feel so terrible because I feel like I am leaving my best friends from the old dimension behind. I feel like I made this huge “upgrade” and things from the backup just can’t be reloaded.

I was naïve to think that everything would just remain that same, but I quickly found out, that once you change and start walking in the Light, the old life will be left behind. That’s not to say that I no longer have communication with people from the old life, but those interactions have changed over the past few months. They are necessarily what they used to be.

A wise friend told me “pain is necessary for growth” and dimensions don’t come without pain. Yes, I traded my old life of darkness to have a new life of light, but God gave me so much more than I ever could have asked for. Because I chose to live by Ephesians 5:8, God has made me rich in His blessings and His mercies. Stepping into a new dimension with Christ will cause some necessary pain. It will make you grow. It will make you uncomfortable, but just like a mother and a new born baby, God wraps us up and gently holds us until we feel comfortable, and even then, like most mothers (especially the over protective ), He won’t let go as long as you live).  

God started the earth with light (Genesis 1:3). We start each day with a sunrise (and if you don’t know by now, that is Light). We open our eyes and we see light. No matter how big or small, there is always light in the darkness. You just have to train your eyes and adjust yourself so that you can see it. Jesus said that “I am a lamp unto your feet and a light unto your path” (Psalm 119:105). Once you have seen the Light and experienced the Light, you will not want to go back into hiding; you will not want to go back into darkness. It’s like a craving; like an addiction. You want more of it. You want all of it!

Take the step! Don’t hide! In a world full of so much pain, so much hatred, so much sin, go and be the light that God calls you to be in this world. “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in Heaven” (Matthew 5:14-16).

BE CHILDREN OF THE LIGHT!!!!

The words of my favorite Christian rapper:

“No more living in the darkness/no more living heartless/ You’ve got that Holy Spirit dwelling inside your carcass/Your life’s been changed up, rearranged up/you’ve been reborn and you don’t have to do the same stuff! (Represent – LeCrae)

Until next time!

~ Not for my glory but for His. Not for the kingdom of this world, but for God’s Kingdom in Heaven. God be with you now and forever! ~

Beauty of the Lord (the Beauty in You)

Have you ever stood on the outskirts of a city looking into the beauty of the lights in front of you? Have you ever taken the time to notice how the lights fill up the city guiding its people in the darkness? Looking at the city from a distance, it looks like it's in order and it looks beautiful. The lights glisten on the horizon and they dance to the song of the night. It looks like things are okay and while not necessarily peaceful, they are calm.

But then you decide to get closer to the city hoping to get closer to take in more of the calmness, to see more of the peace, and be closer to the beauty of it all.
However, the closer you get the more you realize it's not as it seemed from a distance. As you get closer to the heart of the matter, you see it is a mess. There is little to no calmness but instead fearfulness. There is little to no peace, but calamity. And what you thought was beautiful turned out to be unpleasant sights and repulsive smells. Remember this description; it will become handy in a few paragraphs.

Today, I was folding race applications at my job when this thought occurred to me. The inside of the application was off-centered and askew. It wasn’t very appealing. Anyway, I had the task of folding them and let me just tell you, I am a perfectionist and very frugal, to a degree.

Well, like I said, the way the copier copied them, it made the information on the inside become off-centered. The margins were wrong and the font was crooked. I didn’t really pay attention until all copies were made and I had already started folding. They were tri-folds, so when I opened up the one application, I noticed that the one folded line goes through the middle of the application part. Now me being a perfectionist, I wanted to fix it, but the frugality in me didn’t want to just waste the paper.

So I did the next best thing. I made the outside look pretty (because we all know that it’s what catches the eye that sells). Then the idea that convicted me and gave me serious provoking thoughts was “it doesn’t matter how it looks on the inside, but it’s the outside that draws them in.”

Then I got to thinking, a very dangerous thing at times. Society used to teach us “it’s the beauty on the inside that counts.” And this is something we preach to people today, but somehow we fell away from that. Most of us fall victim to the aesthetic value of beauty. We all want to look and be like someone else. We constantly struggle with wanting to be thinner so we created Hydroxycut, Alli, and steroids. We have people wanting to be pretty so we use Cover Girl, Mary Kay, and Axe.

We do everything that we can to draw people to us, especially in “attracting the opposite sex.”. We dress up, put on make-up, and make sure we smell good to pull them towards us, but after they get close enough, they start to realize that we aren’t that beautiful on the inside. Have you ever noticed that the most beautiful people in the world are not celebrities with hair stylists and make-up artists? Most celebrities have colorful faces but their hearts are black! The most beautiful people I have seen have been those who give money to the beggars on the streets; people who serve the less fortunate at soup kitchens; people who give of themselves so others can have.

This goes back to the description of the city at night. The beauty of it from a far distance pulls us in as we are drawn into its beauty. However, as we get closer, we see that the heart of the city is black and full of sin. Proverbs 31:30 states that “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting.” We are entranced and deceived by the beauty from a distance. How is the depiction of the city any different than our own lives?

God didn’t create us to put on a different face every day or to transform our bodies into something He didn’t create. Beauty is dangerous. There are plenty of accounts in the Bible in which when mentioned, beauty always led to sin and destruction. For example, beauty led King David to sleep with Bathsheba (sin #1: 2 Samuel 11:3-5) which then led to David lying to Uriah the Hittite (Bathsheba’s husband) and trying to get Uriah to sleep with his wife to cover up his first sin (sin #2: 2 Samuel 11:12-13). After his first failed attempt to cover up sin #1, he then sent Uriah to the front line of the army so Uriah would die in battle (sin #3/destruction #1: 2 Samuel 11:16-21).Lastly, Bathsheba bore King David’s son but because of David’s wickedness, the Lord took the son through illness (destruction #2).

Other stories of beauty, sin, and destruction can be found in the story of Sarai/Sarah, Rachel, Leah and Dinah in Genesis and Tamar in 2 Samuel 13. Their beauty led to sin and their tragedy. Sarai’s beauty almost got her in trouble with the Pharaoh. Rachel was beautiful and Leah had “soft eyes” in which Leah was thrown into an unwanted marriage that led to her being unloved by her husband. Bathsheba slept with David in a short lived affair. Dinah and Tamar were both raped. I challenge you to read their stories in its entirety.

What comfort to know that our “God does not judge by external appearance” (Galatians 2:6). He doesn’t care about your hair color. He doesn’t care what type of face product you use or the brand of your perfume/cologne. God doesn’t care if you are dressed the fanciest or have holes in your clothes. God doesn’t care if you have the perfect smile or the world’s most gorgeous eyes. He already knows you because He created you just the way you are. He planned every detail of your life including knowing the number of hairs on your head (Matthew 10:30). Even as I write this, the song “How He Love Us” by David Crowder Band (mind you it is my favorite!) comes on my ITunes. How form fitting for this message! The song sings “And I realize just how beautiful you are…How He loves us.” God loves you just the way you are.

Can I get personal with you for a second? The past couple of weeks I have been struggling with my self-worth, especially in how someone can love me the way God does. My prayer has been around the fact that how can I be worthy of some earthly man’s love when I am not even worthy of God’s love. I always tell myself that I can’t be in a relationship with another man if I can’t get my relationship right with my God. How can I romance a guy if I can’t romance my Creator? I haven’t felt beautiful in a long time. I don’t see myself the way I used to and it’s because I put up this barrier and I put distance between God and me. However, as I began writing this tonight, God started changing my thoughts as I was getting in the Bible and looking at how He views my beauty. Here are a few verses to meditate on:

Song of Solomon 4:1 – How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!

Song of Solomon 4:7 – You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you

Proverbs 31:30 – Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Don’t ever feel like you are not beautiful. Don’t ever feel like you are unworthy of love. God tells me I am beautiful; that it’s better for me to fear Him than to want to be beautiful. Beauty is found within your heart. It’s found within your actions. It’s found in your relationship with Christ. I believe that a person becomes 10x more beautiful/handsome when I find that they are living for the Lord instead of living for the world, and that is the truth. I can look at someone and think they are “pretty/handsome,” but when I find that they walk with the Lord, it just makes them more attractive. I believe that in walking with the Lord, He makes you beautiful. He makes your skin glow. He makes you smile. He makes you feel loved.

Don’t participate in the things of this world just to feel pretty, but know that God made you and loves you for who you are. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body” (Psalm 139:13-16). Don’t be somebody you’re not. Don’t follow the ways of this world or “need” to look like those in the media. So friends, even when you feel unloved, know that God loves you. Whenever you feel ugly, know that God thinks you’re beautiful. You are His daughter and son; His princess and prince; His bride; His beloved.

“The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for He is your Lord.” ~ Psalm 45:11

Songs to listen to:

How He Loves Us – David Crowder Band

Something Beautiful – NeedtoBreathe

You Are More/Love is Here – Tenth Avenue North

Beautiful – MercyMe

More Beautiful You – Jonny Diaz

I Need You to Love Me – Barlow Girl

Beautiful, Beautiful – Francesca Battistelli

What Love Really Means – JJ Heller

For the Ladies – KJ-52 (rap song )

Cry on My Shoulder – Overflow

I’ve Always Loved You – Third Day

 

Until next time!

~ Not for my glory but for His. Not for the kingdom of this world, but for God’s Kingdom in Heaven. God be with you now and forever! ~

Hurting and Transformations

 

I’ll begin my story at the prime age of 13. Oh yes, it was those blessed teenage years. I was in the 8^th grade and I would consider myself a pretty good student. I always went to school, always did my homework, always aced my tests, and I was the teacher’s pet in every class, but you see I had this problem. Outside of my student life, I was rotten. I was your typical teenage girl who was semi-defiant to her parents, didn’t care who she hurt as long as she got what she wanted, had a pretty bad mouth, and of course, this sweet precious angel, yeah well she had a really bad temper. It’s almost as if I was two different people; it all just depended upon which role I was for the day: the student (in school) and your typical teenager (outside of school).

Then something inside of me woke up. Now, I don’t exactly remember what it was, but it changed me forever. I distinctly remember thinking one day, “You are such a mean person. You don’t say very nice things and you hurt people with the words you speak to them. You’re not physically abusive, but you’re emotionally abusive.” I also remember thinking, “You must sound pretty dumb with how many swear words come out of your mouth; only people with limited vocabularies resort to swearing because they can’t think of any other adjective/adverb to put there.”

This is when my life changed. I had grown up in a home where we would attend church and Sunday school (permitting we didn’t have a sporting event), so church and God were not necessarily strange to me. I complied with my mom to go, but I never really understood it all. I guess you could say it never really struck a chord with me. It was just something we did on Sunday’s every once in a while. But here I was faced with a dilemma. I wanted and needed to change but I didn’t know how. So I turned to the person I remember from Sunday School: God.

I remember saying to God one evening, “God if you’re real and you care about me, you will help me control my temper.” I remember this being a prayer of mine for many many nights. Eventually, my temper was nothing to be concerned about. God helped me to control that by answering my prayers, but do you think I gave Him the credit? I wish I could say that that was all it took for me to start believing, but I was still skeptical. So I said, “Okay God. You helped me to control my temper, but if you’re real and you love me, you will help me to stop swearing.” After many and many weeks of prayer over controlling this issue, I just stopped swearing. God had helped me to control my tongue. Do you see a pattern? I kept testing God and His validity and He kept answering me with love and patience.

After these two instances, I finally decided to put my trust in God. I want to say that from this point I gave my life to Christ and allowed Him to have complete reigns. I want to tell you that my life has been smooth sailing since this point. I want to tell you that I have chased after God and His kingdom with abandonment. But I can’t do any of those or that would be a lie.

Now let’s fast forward 8 years into the future. At this point, I graduated high school, moved to New Mexico and graduated from college down there, and I find myself back to where it all began. In those 8 years, I learned a great deal about myself and who I am. I also have had a rollercoaster ride in my relationship with Christ. Going off to school and separating myself from everything I knew allowed me to become responsible for me and to grow up. I was out on my own and no longer under the faith and religion of my parents. I had to seek God out myself and I sure did find Him.

However, it wasn’t until this last year that God really tested me in my faith. The summer of 2010 was really the beginning point of my deeper walk with Christ. Before, I had a relationship with Him, but it was only superficial. It was a “God what can you do for me now” kind of relationship. It really had neither merit nor substance. I only sought God out when things were bad. I hadn’t allowed Christ to consume my very being.

Like I said, it was the summer of 2010 that tested and rocked my faith. The ground that I was standing upon was no longer sustaining the weight I was placing upon it. It became brittle and dry. The brother of my friend (someone I grew up with) committed suicide. I had left the very life I had known and established over the past four years to reenter into the unknown. One of my best friends moved away. My dog died and a very close childhood neighbor of mine died from a drug overdose. All of these events caused me to question and wonder and it eventually sent me into a downward spiral that I would have to fight to crawl out of.

I guess you could say I became depressed. I didn’t want to do anything except for sleep and stay in bed. Going to work became a chore instead of something I loved to do. I started to fall away from the friends I had. I became short and curse when engaging in dialogue. I even stopped working out. I didn’t like when my friend came back for the weekend because it kept reminding me of the pain I felt, so then our time spent together while she was back wasn’t as rewarding. I went to the largest Christian festival in the northeast and was surrounded by 70,000 other people but still felt like the loneliest. Heck, I even got the chance to go on vacation to the beach but couldn’t enjoy my time there.

Granted, I was still going to church and I was still hanging out with friends, but I was just going through the motions. I put on a happy face so others wouldn’t have to be burdened with my pain. It was something I thought I had to deal with myself. At this point, trying to tell other people would have been pointless because I didn’t know what was going on with me. How could I explain something to someone when I couldn’t even express it or put words to it?

It took a phone call from one of my best friends to say, “Hey listen. You are not you. You are not the Jenn that I know. What is going on?” Not wanting to bore you with all the details, after our conversation, a few tears (actual breakdowns), I found myself at the foot of my bed with my book open to James 1:12. I earnestly sought after God for help. I asked Him to heal my broken heart, to fix all what was going on. And then I took a big move, I started asking for prayer from others which meant telling them the story. That was hard because then speaking to someone else actually and finally made it all real; something I was denying. I then went to those people that I hurt during this process and apologized for how I had been. I found myself back in the Word and recommitted to God.

This was a really hard time for me and something that I never want to relive, but its outcome made it all worth it. Now, I can sit here and write that I am stronger in my faith with God and my relationship with Christ has reached a new level I never thought it could reach. Don’t get me wrong, my relationship with Christ  still has been a rollercoaster ride. We have really good seasons and then there are really bad (dry) seasons where it feels like He left me alone. That’s when I open my Bible back to that verse that sustained me through my transformation: James 1:12, but never again will I find myself far away from His love and His gentle hand.

His love it sustains me and His right hand guides me. Through all this hurt, I have been transformed into a child of God. I have been transformed into one of His kids. He took me from a place of brokenness and depression, and He placed me right back upon solid ground. Crawling out of the hole that I dug was one of the hardest things I have done in my life. I had to crawl, kick, scream, dig, and push through it. I have the scars on my heart, dirt under my nails, and tear-stained Bible pages as proof.

After my eyes were opened to a new life and Christ renewed the spirit inside of me, I kept hearing this song on the radio. You should look it up and become familiar with it. It really helped me through the testing of my faith this summer. It’s by Kerrie Roberts and it’s called “No Matter What.” It rings true to the trials and tribulations that I faced and what you may be facing too. The whole song is a testimony to say that no matter what pain or hurt comes into our life, God is going to be there and that no matter what, we are going to need Him, we should love Him, and we should trust Him. No matter what you do, He’s going to be there. So no matter what happens to you, you should still seek God out. Just remember, “Before a heartache ever hits your life, it has to go through God’s hands.”

People ask me all the time now why I am smiling or why I am so happy. It’s because Jesus saved my life. Because of Him, I have joy in my heart and a new song to sing. Because of Jesus, I can smile and laugh again. It’s all because of Jesus. (1 Thess. 5:16). He can transform you. He took me from being a bad tempered, bad mouth teenage girl and transformed me into an “always smiling, having joy in my life, and well-spoken” young adult. He took my brokenness and my instability and He placed me on a Rock that can’t be shaken. The Lord has done a transformation in my life that allows me to raise my hands in worship and sing to the top of my lungs (you need to understand that I don’t have the most beautiful voice) but no longer am I ashamed of who I am because Christ changed me.

Guess what? He can change you too if you let Him!

 

Until next time!

~ Not for my glory but for His. Not for the kingdom of this world, but for God’s Kingdom in Heaven. God be with you now and forever! ~

 

**I finally got baptized on January 30, 2011 and this was my testimony:

I’ve believed in Christ for the past 8 years or so, but it wasn’t until this last year that I really started living for Him. Words can’t explain what it felt like when I stopped living for the things of this world and started living for Christ. I’ve been able to love deeper, my relationships are more meaningful, and I was able to find who I was.

I’ve been searching for myself for a number of years. I’ve come to find myself only in Christ. Before Jesus, I was lost and broken. Now, I found how to live by how He died. I found how to breathe with His last breath. I found how to love by His sacrifice on the cross. He has truly given me a life and a love that I’ve never known before.

For the past year, God has pressed upon my heart to get baptized in His Holy Spirit and so I stand before you today and most importantly before God declaring that I am ready to be born again. Two verses I have really read over are 2 Corinthians 5:17 and Galatians 2:20. This is only the beginning.

Living as a Child of the Light

So I began writing this early yesterday morning (11/30/10) as I was sitting at the breakfast table and immersed in God’s Word. It wasn’t until later this evening when I finished editing and reading through it that I realized there is actually a double meaning to it. I began writing this as it was really raining outside and throughout the day, it just never stopped raining. It was quite an awful day in terms of the weather. Maybe subconsciously I wrote it to have a double meaning as to the recent events that occurred in my life or just that when I went back and read it, my eyes were opened to the hidden meaning of the song/poem. I wrote it as a cute little song, but it can be read in poem form.

Living As a Child of the Light

 
It’s 9:13 in the morning
And I still don’t know what I’m gonna do
It’s raining outside

I can’t see the sun shine
But I’m in your everlasting word

(Chorus) I’m in your Word by morning
And I’m in your Word by night
I can’t seem to get enough
With Your love You fill me up
And I’m living as a child of the Light

It’s 10:15 in the morning
Only an hour has passed me by
The rain it just won’t quit
So at the table here I sit
And I’m still in the promise of the Word

(Chorus)

It’s already mid afternoon
And it’s still as dark as it can be
But with Jesus by my side

I don’t have to run and hide
Because His light, it encircles me

(Chorus)

It’s time for me to go to bed
And oh what a day it has been
The rain it never ceased
But in Your Word I found some peace
When I read that you died for my sin

(Chorus)

As I sit back and re-read/sing this small song, many thoughts come to mind. As to the double meaning of the song, I think it speaks profound words to never giving up on God’s Word and the promises that He has for us.

As I analyze each verse, I can’t help but notice a pattern. In the first verse, you can read it as the beginning of parts of our lives. We wake up, or are born either through the gift of life or the gift of a spiritual awakening in Christ. All of a sudden, we just don’t know what we are going to do. We are at a lost for purpose and what God’s Will is for our life. All we can see is the rain and no sunshine. However dismal and morose it may be, we find ourselves getting into the Word.

Now we are brought to the chorus of this song. It read s that by morning and by night, we are in His Word. You should never grow tired of being in God’s word. Everyday should bring about a new discovery, even if you have read the same passage twice. It will always mean something different every single time you read it. Finally, the last line in the chorus states to live as children of the Light. Jesus Christ is that Light! Ephesians 5:8 calls us to be children of the light by stating “Live as children of the Light and find out what pleases the Lord!”

This brings me to the second verse. We find that only a little bit of time has passed; however, it may have seemed like a very long time. The raining upon our lives seems to have not given up, but just as the rain doesn’t give up, we can’t give up on God’s promises. We have to continue to immerse ourselves in His word seeking His hope, mercy, grace, and love. We can’t leave His Word no matter what. As soon as we take our eyes off of God and set it upon earthly things, we find ourselves getting more and more lost than where we started. Get your focus on HIM and keep it there!

The third verse talks about it already being mid afternoon. I equate this to being the middle of our lives. “It’s still as dark as it can be.” Things are never going to let up in life no matter what stage you are at. Satan is always going to be attacking you and sometimes it seems that it’s worse when you are a Christian than when you were a person of this world. It may sprinkle or it may pour, but with Jesus by our sides, we don’t have to fear. We don’t have to run away from the rain. We can stand up to it with the strength that the Lord has already provided us and tell the rain that our God is BIGGER! It’s always beautiful when you can dance in and amidst the rain. Put down your umbrella and let Jesus be your raincoat!

The final verse talks about going to bed and how the rain never ended. You could view this as lying down in our final resting place. The rain never ceased from the beginning of life to the end of life.. There is always going to hurt and pain, but we can find peace in God’s Word. We can find peace in Jesus Christ. We can find our rest in Christ.

Brothers and Sisters in Christ, do NOT stop reading God’s Word. When it seems like everything else is failing you, God will never let you down. He sent His Son, His ONLY Son down to earth to die FOR YOU! My God does not make mistakes. My God does not break His promises. My God is a prayer-answering God. Don’t give up on Him. He will NEVER give up on YOU! When you find yourself slipping further and further and the pain just seems to be insurmountable, you should be digging deeper in the Word.

I know it hurts. I’ve been there. I’ve battled depression and it took a phone call from my best friend to say “Listen. Get back in the Word. Get back in the presence of God and He will make it better.” Sure enough, that’s all it took. I managed to get my eyes off of Christ and onto the things of this world and it was so hard to get back. I let Satan get the best of me when my gaze slipped. Now that I am back in the Word of God, I have never been stronger!

So friends, if you only get one thing out of this today I hope it is this: Get in God’s Word. Read the Bible. It has the answers to everything you’ll ever need in this Life. Let His love fill you up, find peace in the fact that Christ died for your sin, and continue to live as a Child of the Light.

Until next time!

 

~ Not for my glory but for His. Not for the kingdom of this world, but for God’s Kingdom in Heaven. God be with you now and forever! ~

Welcome to the Light

 

“Live as Children of the Light and find out what pleases the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:8)

God calls us to be Children of the Light and how can we do that if we are not immersed in His Word? God’s Word, the Bible, is our tool for everyday living.

The intention of this blog is take a walk through God’s Word with me. As I read through the Bible, I will periodically post things as I process it in my head and transcribe it out on paper. Other things may be things that I think about and use scripture to support, back up, and emphasize the point I am trying to make.

I really want the words that I read from God’s Word to become something that will equip and empower me to go out into the world and preach God’s Word. I figured that as I do this, others may be inclined to read my insights on God’s Word and find it empowering them as well, maybe even encouraging you to get in the Word yourself and see what God says to you.

Well, welcome to the Light. How many of you know that it is nice to see things from different perspectives? I encourage you to challenge me with your comments and questions. If there are not any questions, then how can we grow as Brothers and Sisters in Christ?

 

~ Not for my glory but for His. Not for the kingdom of this world, but for God’s Kingdom in Heaven. God be with you now and forever! ~